Based on Psalm 42 and 23

I wrote this in June 2018 during one of the worst seasons of loneliness and debilitating fatigue. Although I was depressed and in poor health, I had hope that God would stay with me and help me. And he has. He is always good. 

Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.

I reach for his word and my hand falters. Fatigue eats away at my flesh like rot. The smell overtakes my senses. 

Does he prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies?

Hope in God, O my soul.

Sleep eludes me. Every night I lie down, “God have mercy on me.” 

My salvation and my God.

I wake dizzy, addled, exhausted. I should be productive. I should read, I should write. My Bible falls open before me. 

What did I just read? Try again. 

Nothing. I remember nothing. 

Hope in God, for I shall again praise him. 

I wish my friends were here. But really, I wish I wasn’t here where I have no friends.

Busy. This place is so busy. These people are so busy. 

Why are you cast down, O my soul? Hope in God!

Why do I neglect your word? I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. Your word is my only hope. 

Have mercy on me. I’m so tired. 

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.

I read. What did it say? 

I’m losing my mind, and I can’t remember what I just read. Can’t remember how to sleep.

Prepare a table before me, and my cup will overflow. Quench my thirst, my salvation and my God. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.