Based on Psalm 42 and 23
I wrote this in June 2018 during one of the worst seasons of loneliness and debilitating fatigue. Although I was depressed and in poor health, I had hope that God would stay with me and help me. And he has. He is always good.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
I reach for his word and my hand falters. Fatigue eats away at my flesh like rot. The smell overtakes my senses.
Does he prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies?
Hope in God, O my soul.
Sleep eludes me. Every night I lie down, “God have mercy on me.”
My salvation and my God.
I wake dizzy, addled, exhausted. I should be productive. I should read, I should write. My Bible falls open before me.
What did I just read? Try again.
Nothing. I remember nothing.
Hope in God, for I shall again praise him.
I wish my friends were here. But really, I wish I wasn’t here where I have no friends.
Busy. This place is so busy. These people are so busy.
Why are you cast down, O my soul? Hope in God!
Why do I neglect your word? I’m thirsty. I’m hungry. Your word is my only hope.
Have mercy on me. I’m so tired.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
I read. What did it say?
I’m losing my mind, and I can’t remember what I just read. Can’t remember how to sleep.
Prepare a table before me, and my cup will overflow. Quench my thirst, my salvation and my God. Surely goodness and mercy will follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.